Restored!

I know He has called me and at one point of my life, I was so sure that it was this ministry that I am involved in. So I pledged that I will fulfill that call. Then it occurred to me that I am not capable, how can and how will He use me further than what I am doing in the current ministry. I wandered around. Hoping to find other familiar areas that I think He can use me at. I was lost in the sea trying to figure out 'Is this IT?' Now, I call that arrogance.. (silly me!)

Also, at another point of my life, I simply confronted Him and said, 'That's it, Lord... consider my calling void because I am not sure anymore that I have a calling at all.' Wow! Come to think of it now, isn't that sheer arrogance on my part, trying to tell God what to do. Who am I to tell Him that?! But He was patient and very gracious with me. Almost a year after my stance (haha!), He called me back... through a prayer night by Resonance.

When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, "My vow was a mistake." Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God. (Ecclesiastes 5:4-7)

Lisa reminded me again about God's call. I am still very aware that once called, forever called. She pointed out to me, the only thing that hinders God to fulfill the calling is my own 'disbelief'. Convicted! I asked God for forgiveness... I must allow God to be God! It doesn't really matter what calling I have, I just want Him to be by my side. It's the journey... I realized I must not sway away. At first it sounded noble to find a ministry that I can relate to (e.g. family, parenting, counselling, women's ministry...) but if that's not what God wants me to do, then it will never be. Even if I find myself a little handicapped in the Worship Ministry, but if here's where He wants me to be... then so be it!

But then I asked the Lord the other night before I sleep... 'Lord, how is it going to work?' 'My Dear, read Matthew 14:15 onwards...'

It talks about the miracle of Jesus feeding the five thousand... with only five loaves of bread and two fish... Uhuh! That's how I felt... I only have so much to offer... I sense that it will take a miracle for me to be able to fulfill that call, but it (the miracle) will happen!

I may have forgotten, but He remembers...